States has pretty much been the bane of my existence when it comes to fencing. My achilles heel, if you would. It seems that there's always something (or someone) that messes me up. In fact, by best finish was in my freshman year of high school, and even then I only finished in 16th place.
My first fencing tournament at the beginning of 2008!
It's frustrating, because I know I'm capable of doing better than that. In both my freshman and sophomore years, I was eliminated after losing an elimination bout by one point, 15-14. To say that was disappointing would be an understatement. But at the same time, I know it was my fault. Both times, I went in with a poor mental attitude. Freshman year I was overconfident, as I knew that a majority of the competitors weren't year-round fencers like I was. Needless to say, underestimating them was a huge mistake. Sophomore year I was extremely nervous; I didn't want to screw up like I had the previous year. But while having some nerves is perfectly normal and okay, having too much, as I soon found out, can negatively affect one's performance.
That brings me to Junior year. When I was eliminated last year, I wasn't nearly as frustrated or angry as I had been the previous years. That was mainly because I had no idea what just happened. I had just won a hard fought bout 15-13. The bout was so hard fought however, that I was so exhausted that in the next bout I could barely raise my arms and lost extremely quickly. I had no idea why I was so tired. I went to the gym often so I was in decent shape. And I'd had hard fought bouts before and not been nearly as drained. Honestly, I'm still not sure what happened. Maybe it was because I didn't get a great night's sleep or I didn't eat a good meal the night before. However, I don't anticipate that particular scenario happening again.
Which brings me back to tomorrow. My last shot at the State Championship. Hell, my last shot at doing well at States at all!
Will I win? When I think about it logically, I don't know. While I did win a previous High School tournament earlier this year, and I'm probably in better shape than I've ever been there are obstacles in my way, not the least of which is the fact that there will be seventy other fencers vying for the Gold Medal.
I won the only other individual High School tournament earlier this year. But unfortunately, a lot of tomorrow's top competition sat this one out.
That's not to mention the A rated fencer who's won the Gold every single year for the past three years. Nor that due to various factors, including a busy schedule and my Crohn's disease, I haven't been able to go to fencing practice nearly as much as I should.
So yes, there will undoubtedly be better fencers than me competing tomorrow. There will be faster fencers, there will be stronger fencers, hell there'll probably even be smarter fencers.
But I can guarantee you this. None of those fencers, NOT ONE, is as determined as I am. But, I'm not competing to beat my freshman placement as 16th.
I'm not competing to make the Top Eight.
And I'm sure as hell not competing to get second.
Tomorrow, I am fencing for one reason and one reason only, and that is to win. And I can guarantee it that none of them want that gold medal more than I do. Tomorrow, I'm gonna put it all out on that fencing strip.
I just hope that it's enough.
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